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http://gawker.com/ The HotPockets Meltdown and Other Conversations We Didn't Want to Have This Week [Tail Of Mears]
This Friday's mailbag features a potpourri of scribblings sent from your minds to our inboxes. Please enjoy some of the praise, rants, and email exchanges we experienced this week.
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Will Smith Has Left And Gone Away [Grierson & Leitch]
When did you first realize that the Fresh Prince could legitimately act? Like, in the big leagues? For once in my life, I was on the early part of the curve; my college newspaper assigned me, a green freshman, a review of
Six Degrees of Separation, John Guare's adaptation of his own play about a fancy Upper West Side couple (Donald Sutherland and Stockard Channing) who are taken in by a gay con man who claims he's the son of Sidney Poitier.
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This Week Has Been a Good Week for Finding Things in Food that Don't Belong There [Fast Food]
Around the same time that Ryan Hart was spitting out his Arby's junior roast beef (
now with extra human finger), Redditor
LinkBoyJT was biting into his order of hash browns from McDonald's. Just before consuming the last morsel of his King Size french fry, he says he suddenly "
felt something on the bottom."
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Trayvon Martin's 'Drugs,' George Zimmerman's Injuries, and Other Stuff That Doesn't Change Anything [Video]
"Trayvon Martin Had Drugs in System, Autopsy Found," ABC News
tweeted yesterday afternoon. This was not, strictly speaking, true — Martin had a single drug in his system — and even then it's a bit misleading: the "drug" in question is the chemical THC, the active ingredient in marijuana.
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The Eight Kids You See In The Crowd At Your College Graduation [Shit List]
Okay, so it's graduation time and we Gawker folk have already exhausted ourselves giving
you outgoing seniors
all our super sweet advice. I'm sure you won't listen to ANY of it, because you're all so damn hungover. So let's spend today craning our necks and checking out all the other grads sitting around you. Graduates fall into very distinct types, and here are a few of them.
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How Can He Slap?: Will Smith Nearly Sucker Punches Ukrainian Reporter Who Tries to Kiss Him on the Mouth [Video]
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Russian 'Skywalkers' Scale 1000-Foot Bridge without Safety Equipment for Fun [Video]
19-year-old Moscow-based photographer Vitaly Raskalov and two of his friends were taken into custody by police
after posting evidence of their shenanigans online.
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Jackie Chan Says He's Done Doing Action Movies, Wants to Be 'Asian Robert De Niro' [End Of An Era]
Speaking with reporters at Cannes where he is premiering his latest film, actor Jackie Chan said
he was through doing action movies.
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Battleshit [Exit Musings For A Film]
As if they aren't inherently bad enough, my recent Mondays have been exceptionally unpleasant. Three Mondays ago, I spent my night
interviewing shady and unengaged drag queen contestants of the most recent season of
RuPaul's Drag Race. Two Mondays ago, I was shoehorned into a sceney party thrown by a sceney magazine featuring loud, unblended music and a limited spread of mean-making alcohol. But my least pleasant Monday night of recent memory was this past one, when I spent over two hours in a theater getting my eardrums violated by Peter Berg's film adaptation of a board game.
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Today's Song: Killer Mike 'Reagan' [A Song For Eunuch]
I'd be remiss if I didn't mention the album that has ruled my week (and is a strong contender for my favorite album of the year so far), Killer Mike's sixth full-length,
R.A.P. Music. Produced by El-P and sporting an acronym that represents Rebellious African People, the album is marked with clarity — in Mike's voice and lyrics, in its homage to the past 30 years of hip-hop, and in its agitated spirit.
Chris Weingarten says it best on Spin: "It's an impossible rap record that appeals directly to 'golden era' purism (i.e., 'back when rap was good' for people aged 35 and up), but is still noisy enough to shake off the cobwebs and scare the squares. They really should put it out on cassette."
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Two-Time 'Modern Love' Lady Back on the Market [Dating]
SWF seeks SM. More »
Man Blames Doctor for 'Flesh-Eating Bacteria' that Took His Penis [Video]
A 65-year-old man who underwent penile implant surgery at a Florida hospital in 2007 is suing the anesthesiologist who assisted in performing the operation for malpractice, claiming that his negligence led to an infection that resulted
in the amputation of his penis.
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'Camel Toe Advocate' Invents Camel-Toe-Proof Panties [Inventions]
As part of Gawker's ongoing effort to keep readers apprised of innovation in the underwear supplement industry (
fart-neutralizing undies,
penis-enhancing undies,
calorie-absorbing undies,
sexy period undies) may I now present
Camelflage, "the original visual privacy undergarment" for
eliminating camel toe with a labia-obscuring insert.
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Gilbert Gottfried's Greatest Voice Acting Role to Date: Narrating Fifty Shades of Grey [Funny Videos]
You haven't been truly turned on by E. L. James' "mommy porn" insta-classic
Fifty Shades of Grey until you've heard its
Twilight-inspired tale of taboo lovemaking recited through the quivering lips of the Sultan of Sultry: Gilbert Gottfried.
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The Anti-Obama 'Metrosexual Black Abe Lincoln? Ad Campaign Would've Been The Funniest Shit Ever [America's Screaming Conscience]
Yesterday morning,
the New York Times reported on a super-PAC plan submitted to Joe Ricketts, founder of TD Ameritrade and owner of the Chicago Cubs. Entitled, "The Defeat of Barack Hussein Obama: The Ricketts Plan to End His Spending for Good," it proposed a $10 million series of ads tying Obama to Reverend Jeremiah Wright.
By early afternoon, Ricketts had abandoned the plan outright.
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Second-Grader Removed from Class for Putting on Black Face to Look Like MLK [Video]
A Colorado Springs boy was ordered by his Elementary school principal
to wash off the black face he put on as part of an Martin Luther King, Jr. costume he was told to wear.
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Conan Opens First Letterman Appearance in 13 Years with Jay Leno Impression [Video]
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Stephen Breyer Can't Catch A Break: Supreme Court Justice Experiences Second Break-In This Year [Injustice]
Associate Justice Stephen Breyer,
it was revealed yesterday, had his Georgetown home broken into earlier this month by a burglar who made away with some $3,000 worth of stuff.
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Prison Rape: Still Not Funny [Usa]
The U.S. Justice Department has issued a new set of guidelines designed to stem prison rape, which "may afflict one out of every 10 prisoners,"
according to the NYT. The guidelines are mostly basic standards of staffing, planning, and other common-sense measures. But I submit to you that the following bit of the overview is as bracing a section as you're likely to find in a government report:
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Horrible Newspaper Lets You Track Mark Zuckerberg's Wealth In Real Time [Facebook Ipo]
Facebook just
went public a few minutes ago. And today is the day when we forget Occupy Wall Street ever happened to slaver over the tiny handful of investors and Facebook employees who will become super rich from the $16 billion IPO. To that end, the
Wall Street Journal offers
this widget that lets you track Mark Zuckerberg's obscene wealth
in real time as Facebook's stock rises or falls.
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Gabriel Byrne Again, Jude Law Flees, and Joe Jonas Prowls: Gawker Stalker Updated [Gawker Stalker]
